Can't you just say you hate me?
by Two Things On My Mind
Summary: Pony's having a rough time, his grades are slipping, and theres the imminent threat of being split up hanging around again. Johnny's sure troubled too, but its nothing like that, he guesses he just can't stop thinking of Ponyboy. So why not tell him so? He could use a load off his mind, even if it leaves one on Ponys. /Au./
1. Chapter 1

I bounced my ball up against the wall, watching it bounce back into my hand, and repeat. It made a little noise but not enough to get over the t.v. Darry was watching the news and Soda was with him, most of the gang were, all but Johnny, he was beside me, and every so often I'd bounce it his way, he'd catch it and bounce it back. We didn't speak, and we didn't really need to, we'd said all that was needed when Johnny sat down. "It'll be okay Pony" Johnny had said soft, putting an arm across my back, I let my boney shoulder bone poke into his rib a bit and we sat there as I starred down at the ball in my hand.

Bouncing it against the wall I heard Darry holler for me to stop making that God awful racket. "It aint a racket Its just a ball" I called on back a bit, he'd huffed at that, but Soda said something I didn't catch, it made him stop. I was relieved for that, I didn't think I could have taken it.

I didn't think of ma often, but I could have used her then. A big hug from your mother fixes everything. Shaking my head, not wanting to think about her I bounced the ball again. Johnny stayed a while, my shoulder digging into his rib still. "Hey Pony, why don't we go for a walk to the lot or somethin'?" he suggested, he was real good at trying to make me happy now, I looked down at my hands, rubbing them off on my 501's.

"Yea...mebe" I might have needed a walk, so I nodded and got up from me and Soda's bed, slipping my feet into my worn sneakers and doing the laces. I put my hands down into my pockets, Johnny offered me a smile, his face was still a bit busted from getting jumped a while back and Darry said it probably wouldn't get better. Kicking up dust on the old wood floor I just looked down, walking on ahead of him. It was cold out again, and I never did remember to bring a coat. Johnny grabbed onto my arm and had a feel of how cold it were.

"Why didn't you bring a coat, stupid?" someone said, I looked up, it wasn't Johnny. I knew that voice anywhere, looking around I saw Dally. Good ol' Dallas Winston, leaning against my gate like he did normally when he showed up at our place. I offered him a smile though, because I'd grown more fond of him lately.

"Hi Dally" I said with a bit of a wave, but my hand being in my pocket it took a minute to get out what with it being scrunched a little. He chuckled a bit and came forward to meet us. Johnny smiled a bit brighter too at seeing his hero. "Hey Dal" he said, Dally ruffed Johnny's hair up, he didn't ruff mine up like that. I didn't mind any though.

"How are you Pony? Doin' good?" Dallas asked, he knew, just like the rest of the gang. Leaning against my shoulder as he lit up offering it too me, I took it and had a drag before passing it back. Nodding a bit the smoke wisp came from my mouth in a haze.

"Yeah I aint bad" It was a lie.

"I'm just taking Pony for a walk, wana come Dal?" Johnny asked, Dally shrugged, it usually meant he didn't care if he did, he could take it or leave it.

"Well...weather your coming or not, I'm walkin'." I said and I started to, it wasn't my day. I didn't feel real like anyone coming with me, even Johnny. Sniffing a bit I wiped my face with my fore arm, I shouldn't cry, big kids don't cry. But I wasn't a big kid, I was only fourteen and It didn't matter how old I wanted to be I'd be fourteen for another whole year, so what was the point.

I thought walking would clear my head up right, it was like the movies I saw. One where the hero fell in love with the wrong girl, he did a lot of walking in that movie, and he looked real thoughtful while he did it. He got her in the end anyways, I'd known it was coming. But my life wasn't like one of those glamorous movies, when people got hurt, they got hurt. When people died, they died. They didn't come back, everything didn't turn out okay. Or a book, in books the leading guy took it hard for most of the book, but by the time your were on the last chapter, he got praise and love and money, usually by the end of the book it was all okay. But outside the books, the movies. Everything was not okay here. They might take me away from Darry and Soda, and it was my own stupid fault, my grades slipping, not eating right or getting enough sleep, if it weren't for them threatening to begin with none of this would have happened. But now it wasn't a threat, they were serious this time. That didn't happen in movies, movies were all plastic payed smiles and beautiful people. I wish I could be one of those, perfect hair and money, expensive suits just to wear, one for every hour with a comb in my top pocket.

I couldn't hold it by then, biting on my lip hard I could barely see where I was going, I didn't want to cry, the tears in my eyes just put themselves there. I was alone, what was the harm. So I dropped down then and there under the bridge, sitting on a concrete slab. Wrapping my arms around myself good and tight I sniffed, no one was all that pretty when they cried but I knew I was real ugly when I did. So I let out a pathetic sort of a whimper and let a couple tears fall, making my cheeks feel hot as they slid down. I was a real man alright, crying again Ponyboy? Shocker, everyone expected me to break down, I was the only one who didn't see it, because I didn't really want to. I started to cough a bit then, you know when you cry and then all of a sudden you can't breath? And you feel all sick up inside and all. I was feeling like that, hot tears going down my puffy cheeks now as I wiped them off with the back of my hand. If I wasn't a gross looking sight all the time, I sure was when I cried, if I didn't mention before.

I shook a bit in the shoulders as I felt a rough hand on the back of my neck all of a sudden. I didn't want Johnny to see me this way.

"G-Go on now Johnny I aint in the mood" I whined, sniffing up a storm. But it wasn't Johnny, I looked up, it was Dally, his big hand was patting the back of my neck with his thumb. He looked a bit sick, he didn't want to be there and boy could I tell. He had a funny look to him as he shrugged his jacket off and dropped it on me.

"C'mon Pony, quit crying. You ain't no baby" he said real firm like, I frowned up at him, still tears sat in my eyes, I wasn't done crying. He just looked down at me, he didn't have much of an expression; but it was enough.

"Can I go home now?" I didn't even know what I meant by saying that, whatever I meant, Dally understood. He just nodded, he looked awkward, I don't think he'd ever handled with someone crying on him before. Letting go of my neck to drag me up by the collar of his own coat, wrapped around me like a straight jacket. He gave me my marching orders so to speak, so traipsing along beside him we walked back, over the tracks, had I really walked so far from home? I swallowed hard, I must have. Not watching my feet I stumbled on a rock and fell around a bit, he caught me hard by the shoulder "Ow" I exclaimed, "Quit squeezin' Dal" I winced, shaking his hand off.

"Watch were your walkin' then idiot" he said back in that real husky tone of his, I frowned and swatted him

"I'm not an idiot, I'm probably smarter 'en you" I shot back quiet, chucking my fists down out behind me, whirling his jacket around my shoulders and down my sides. I knew I'd been wrong to snap at Dally like that, I probably should have just taken his kick and forget about it. He'd probably slap me silly, I'd take a licking for saying that later I was sure.

"Don't get lippy with me, wise guy" Dallas warned, I nodded, I was already sorry I'd said anything. He gave me a look and shook his head sighing as he went about wrapping an arm round my neck and pulling me close in to his chest, messing up with my greased back hair.

"OW DALLY GET OFA ME" I half laughed shakily trying to get free, squeezing my eyes shut.

"Don't get mouthy then" he replied through his teeth, grinning tough ear to ear. He hated the world, you only had to look at his grin and you knew.

My nose wrinkled up as I caught a whiff of cheap after shave and cigarette smoke. I screwed up my face "G-golly you smell good" I teased at him, having trouble getting my voice out from under his arm, my cheek was all jammed up.

"Shut ya mouth kid" He shook his head a bit and kept walking with me all pulled up in his arm. He was a kidder that way, I tried walking but I wasn't too steady like that, sighing deep he let me go. "You've learnt ya lesson" I rubbed my cheek and stretched my shoulders out a bit. I felt a little better-

"You look like shit Pony"-well I had felt a little better, sniffing I kicked up a little dust as we walked back.

"Yea, I know I look lousy, aint a single person that looks tuff when they cry" I puffed my cheeks out as I told him so. I really didn't need to be told how awful I looked, and on that thought I wasn't keen on going back to Darry and Soda looking like a messy cry baby, Dally gave me half a apologetic look. He just eyed me for a moment, Dallas Winston had dead eyes, the kinds of eyes that had clearly seen too much. Like the light was gone, it died out with everything else that wasn't under that hardened shell that was the older boy, young man, standing in front of me. I was reading too far into it, because those exact eyes were now trained on me. I didn't mean to draw attention.


	2. Chapter 2

"Cut out your starrin' will ya?" I tried to arrange a smile on my face but it wasn't working out so well. Dally just started walking again, keeping an eye on me like I was sick or something. I may have been bawling but there was nothing wrong with my physical condition, well, I guess I'd gotten real skinny lately, but it wasn't my fault. I just wasn't hungry, and sleep had been hard to come by in the last week, or two, or so. But I wasn't going to keel over or anything like that. They seemed to think I was fragile or something. Dally kept a hand on my back after that, and when we got back Johnny jumped up from sitting on the step, he cleared his throat up and pretend to be casual like he hadn't leapt out of his skin.

I frowned, he smiled. It wasn't a real smile, Johnny only did those at rare times in rare company. I guess Dally and me were rare as it got, but the timing was all wrong. Johnny gave me an up and down look, yeah I'd been crying, he could have just asked? Why didn't anyone ever just ask? "Quit it Johnnycake" I muttered, he looked sorry and nodded, Dally just stepped past me and went inside like it was nothing. I didn't know how he did it, Dallas just got around places like nothing ever bothered him, that or he really was angry all the time like Two-Bit said. I couldn't seem to do that. I sat down on the step and it groaned in protest, it was old wood, hard and sturdy but it probably could do with replacing.

Johnny sat beside me "Got a light Johnny?" I asked. I needed a smoke, because smoking calmed my nerves, or I figured they did, maybe it was my imagination being hyperactive. I did read somewhere that if you believe something will effect you then it will. It might have been on an exam paper last year. Turning my head to look at him, he was looking at me already, one of those long long looks that usually mean something significant. I found his eyes looking into my eyes, he had nice ones, my best friend Johnny, I never did get why he didn't have a girlfriend, because he had the alright looks to go about getting one. Weather his eyes were staring into me or not, I still needed a light. "Johnny" I repeated, he seemed to come out of it a bit, blinking long and fast he huffed.

"Uh, yeah man, hold on a sec" he slapped his pockets and felt one up, pulling his lighter out and holding it for me. I already had a cigarette between my teeth so he just held the lighter to it for me. I inclined my head in thanks and for some reason he got a kick out of that.

"What are you laughing about?" I asked him curiously, he had a laugh like rusty bells, he always had when he cared to laugh, that was.

"You, nodding your head like that...just funny a bit" He replied with a shrug, a grin twitched at my lips too then, Johnny seemed to smile a bit nervously and turn back to look out across my yard. I was still wearing Dally's jacket I realized, I decided to take it off, because as much as I liked being warm, I felt odd wearing it.

"Johnny" I said in a small voice, leaning over to put my head on his shoulder, I did that sometimes, he didn't usually tense when I did but I figured I'd just surprised him. Back home if something surprised Johnny, it was a two-by-four or a crow bar to the face or any other vital body part. Probably because he dropped something or he spoke or, hell, for being born, I'd once heard his dad yelling up a storm about how great his life would have been if Johnny had never been born. It was awful, I'd never seen Johnny cry so hard-other then that one time with the Socs- after, but he stood and took the whole thing without a tear, because he didn't want to give his old man a better reason to belt him one.

"Do you think they'll put me in a boys home...? 'cause my grades and all?" I asked, looking up at him some, batting my lashes back out of the way a bit. He looked at me just a second, but then he was biting his finger nails again, it wasn't a real amazing habit, but then, I smoked and chewed my nails. Who was I to judge?

"No pal I think they're just putting heat on Darry again, to keep him up good, after all" Johnny croaked out eventually, his eyes angling down to look at me a moment again before looking at the ground to my heads left. Poor Johnny, here was me worrying about being split up when Johnny was taking a beating every second he turned his back too long. I had a lot, I had two big brothers, I had an education, not a great one, but the best Darry could get me. I had a home I could go to.

Johnny had a mom who hated him more then she hated Johnny's dad, and she tried at spitting in his dads face more then once a day. He got slapped against the wall, kicked when he was down and told to get back up again. How anyone could hate their own kid like that made me sick, how anyone could hate Johnny made it worse. He was the nicest person a guy could meet, there was just nothing not to like about him. He had real soft, tanned skin, his hair was nice too when he didn't grease it up, but when he did he looked tuff. His eyes were all that gave it away. The scared way they couldn't look at you too long, the blackness of them, the only thing about Johnny that gave it all away. The bruises too, and the scars and the marks, the ones he'd gotten from the Soc and the ones from his folks. 'That which does not kill us makes us stronger', Friedrich Nietzsche, I wished I could meat that guy and introduce him to Johnny Cade.

"Pony...?" I heard Johnny's voice like it was coming to me through a bad radio, the reception dial tuned out. I blinked, I'd been staring at him for a while as I thought.

"Oh...sorry" I apologized straight away, I hadn't even realized that I'd been leaning on his shoulder that way for so long.

"Its okay man" he replied with a lousy shrug, us greasers, we had bad posture, a lot of us anyway. Hoods and JD's alike, whatever you wanted to call us, we didn't see the point in standing up straight, it wasn't often we had a reason too. Darry did, he was too prideful to consider any less. And I understood why, the only thing that ever kept him from being a Soc was us. We all knew it, I shook my head. The only thing keeping Darry from being a Soc was me. I stretched my neck a bit.

"Should probably go in huh" I said, I didn't really want too though. I knew it and Johnny knew it. He nodded though, clapping a hand gently on my back. The paperback in my back pocket was starting to hurt my butt anyway. I nearly told Johnny so as I stretched but he was kind of starring at the hem line of my shirt. It was a little short when I reached up, I looked too and noticed. "Guess I'm getting taller huh Johnny? Better watch out or I'll out grow you" I was just kidding around but Johnny blinked suddenly, as though I'd said something bad. Or maybe he just hadn't been listening. I smiled bright at him, it wasn't enough to just smile at him, I had to offer my best up because I hoped someday, he'd smile back just the same. Today wasn't the day, his lips twitched in the corners before he stood, he was a whole two years older then me. But his build was small and thin, I was a little stockier in the shoulder, but my features weren't mens features. I was still a pretty boy in the face, not that I was pretty, but thats how Soda put it when I asked him. Johnny sighed, he didn't seem to want to go in, he was looking out over the yard, it was strange, I didn't really know what it was since normally he was fine with the others, we were all just one big family. Johnny looked at me, his hand moved off his side, thumb and forefinger rubbing together he tried raising his arms a couple times, grazing the hem on the side of my jeans. I didn't understand what he was getting at, he had a real wild desperate look in his eyes for a second before he flipped his long greasy bangs into them.

"Hey Pony, lets go to the lot, you and me, right now" he said, his voice a bit rough until he cleared his throat out. I blinked, I couldn't quite figure why.

"Darry prolly wants m-" I started but he cut me off.

"Please" thats all he said, his eyes darting up to look at me all at once. I was just about as surprised by that as he seemed to be, but I nodded.

"Okay, c'mon Johnnycake" I smiled a bit and picked up Dally's jacket, pulling it on since I didn't want to get cold I came to stand by him. Johnny didn't often make demands of me, he didn't ask for much, and he usually wouldn't cut me off like that, let alone anyone. He was quiet on the way, he didn't talk and neither did I, not that Johnny was ever that articulate with his feelings and such, he'd often answer me in one or two words where they were concerned. He kept glancing at me though, like there was something he did want to say but couldn't. I didn't help him any, I decided he would probably get his mouth around his words eventually.

When we reached the lot he sat down on the car seat, and I sat by him, turning to face him some since It was polite to do that, I may not have been raised best but I knew how to be good mannered alright. Darry taught us right. I made a little gesture with my hands trying to get Johnny to talk.

"Johnny I aint got all da-" that was the second time Johnny cut across me in one day, he didn't speak this time though. Rough, chapped lips slammed into mine, and I couldn't breath all at once. My lungs seemed devoid of air and my face hotter then the suns surface. My lips kind of hurt actually, I'd never kissed a single soul, besides my best friend Johnny Cade, and that stands till this day.

He pulled back so I could breath, but my eyes were half closed by then, my lips were probably a bit bruised and his too. He looked like he was going to cry, no one should ever make Johnnycake cry, so I just did it. I put my arms around another boys neck and pulled those chapped lips of his back to mine again. I was about as good a kisser as he was. His arms seemed to flail before settling themselves around my waist, scrunching the bottom of the fabric of my shirt in his hands, knuckles grazing the skin on my lower back. I could feel his tongue, trying hard to get in my mouth as our teeth clattered painfully together. I wasn't gay, I wasn't. Honest. It just felt so...good, so right. I just liked to kiss Johnny, not boys, I was too young to know the difference. I know better now.


	3. Chapter 3

I was kissing Johnny long and hard, I had no idea what I was doing, it showed but it didn't really seem he had a clue either. Our lips started making funny noises, smacking sounds as we tried to figure a way around each others mouths. His hands had moved now and were on the outers of my thighs, running up and down every so often. It made me blush, I sure hoped I wasn't sweating because that would be even more embarrassing. We kept making those weird noises, not meaning to, he grunted a couple times too and my nose got squished more then once on his or his cheek but I didn't mind. His tongue finally did get in my mouth, it felt kinda stranf and I about wanted to choke at first, coughing and spluttering some but I got used to it. It made my mouth all slobbery and when Johnny pulled back a little to let me breath, his eyes hazy with a look I'd never seen on him before. I wiped the trail of spit from my mouth to his and took deep breaths.

"Take that off" For a second I was redder then a beat till I realized he meant Dally's jacket.

"But Johnny I'll git cold" I complained, holding it tighter around me. Johnny reached out and yanked it gently.

"I'll give you mine if you need it, I don't want to see ya in Dals coat...I can't" His voice was still little like always, but he looked like he felt so much better, but tense in a different way. It must be confusing being 16, I decided. That was why he'd kissed me, and I'd kissed him, and he'd put his tongue in my mouth, and thats why he was feeling up and down my legs. I blushed up real bad, it all hit me then what we'd done, and were doing, and the way Johnny was looking at me through those black eyes of his. I felt funny shrugging the jacket off now, all that showed were my arms but for some reason I felt uncomfortable showing them now. He raised his fingers and put them on my shoulders before traveling them down my arms.

"I'm real sorry...you can push me away, tell me I'm disgustin', tell me you never wana see me again" he bit his lip hard, dang it he looked like he was going to cry again, I'd never seen Johnny so confused in his life. Christ I'd never been so confused. "Say something Pony please" he begged.

"You're disgustin' an I never wana see you again" I repeated in a shaky kind of voice, Johnny looked broken and shook up. His eyes locked with mine.

"R-really?" He sniffed, shaking in the shoulders a bit as he tried to calm down. He believed me, and why shouldn't he? I didn't lie often, if ever. Though I'd gotten real good at it lately, It was awful. I was liable to drop one when I didn't have to sometimes.

"No" I said, and then I just rammed my lips back on his but quickly this time, I felt all kinds of uncomfortable toward the down stairs I didn't even know what to do with myself. Just as well Johnny seemed too and he pulled me onto his lap, weather I was a little bigger or not, he was 16. He made another grunting sound and I got the feeling he was having the same sensation down bottom too, because I could feel it now, sitting in his lap. It made me blush again something fierce. It was real bizarre and embarrassing to say the least. It was a lot more then wrong to be having this kind of a kiss with Johnny. He was my best friend, and boys weren't supposed to be touching each other or kissing or nothing like that. It was a sin to be gay, everyone would call us faggots if they new. We would go to hell. But I never believed any of that, maybe it was okay if it was Johnny. He was my best friend after all and boy did I love him a lot. It was okay then? Heck, who knows.

His hands slipped down into my back pockets, wiggling slightly, I felt them against by back side and blushed redder, if that was even possible. I'd never really well, never had people feeling around my body that way, specially not another boy. It occurred to me how me and Johnny were in the vacant lot, the one everyone new about. Anyone could come by and find us here like this. My legs either side his thighs, his hands in my back pockets, our lips mashed together in a dirty dance. We were less sloppy now, less spit built up in my mouth and our faces didn't squish so much either. In all I was getting good, my chest pressed a little closer to his. I had to stop, this was bad, what if someone walked on over behind us and saw? We'd be skinned, we'd be in more trouble then it warranted. I broke our face sucking with a loud smacking kind of sound. Blushing more furious then all hell I pulled back a bit, still sitting up in Johnny's lap I pulled my arms back from round his neck. He wouldn't stop looking at me now, his dark beady black eyes misty.

"Man, I've wanted to do that for so long" Johnny whispered huskily, a grin breaking across his lips. I laughed shakily, doubting that for a whole bunch of real good reasons.

"Sure you have-"

"I'm serious Ponyboy, for at least a year now" he replied real quick, his small bruised hand raising itself and coming to rest on my cheek. I swallowed hard, this was all just too weird. How did I even get here?

"We need to go back Johnnycake" I said quiet like, my voice tapering off low till there was none at all. I didn't know if I wanted to talk about how long my best friend had wanted to kiss me. I mean sure I'd thought about it, but it was natural to right? I didn't have feelings like that for Johnny or anything. I was real confused by now, I stood up off his lap. Johnny looked a little disappointed, his shoulders set he stood up too, picking Dally's jacket up as he went. But once he was up he put an arm across my shoulders again, putting down a normal kiss on my cheek. I just shrugged him off a bit.

"Get offa me Johnny, what if someone saw?" I said, I regretted it right after, he looked hurt but he nodded. His hand brushing my arm as he slid it back to his side.

"S-Sorry" he apologized quiet, walking ahead of me. I grimaced a little and took off behind him. Shoving my hands down into my pockets.

We didn't speak on the way home, I guess neither of us had forgotten about the kiss. But neither of us wanted to talk about it either. We got back home and I prayed no one saw how bruised up our lips where, I'd never thought on how that was going to look. But no one noticed. Soda stood up and blinked at me.

"Pony...you been crying?" he asked, sounding worried, everyone turned around then. Even Two-Bit, he looked worried, Darry looked up then too, he looked...like Darry. I parted my lips to take in a breath.

"No I ain't been cryin'." I lied, looking down at my feet, Soda wasn't convinced, he put an arm round me in a hug.

"I gotta work tonight, you'll be okay right?" He asked, I knew he did, I knew he and Darry did. I knew Steve and Dally would be gone soon too, Two-Bit. Well I knew he'd still be around, as long as we had Chocolate cake and bear (the breakfast of champions) he'd stick around. Oh and, probably because Darry asked him to 'Baby sit' me, again, like I was some baby.

"O' course, you go get some good tips, got it?" I smiled, it was no real smile. It was a liars smile, I told you I was a liar. But no one could tell, no one. But me.


	4. Chapter 4

I was at the table reading Lord of the flies, it was a whole lot better then my grade teacher said it would be. I just couldn't believe boys would do that to each other, you know. But then,looking at where I lived and how the Socs and grease treated each other, why was I surprised at all? Boys killing each other on an island. Boys killing each other on the streets, where people could step in and stop it all if they really tried at it. I knew that was really just an optimistic thought though. Nothing could just step in and stop this. Not now. Too many people had got hurt and dead, too many people turned bitter and inward with hate. We'd lost tpo much to give in now, it didn't matter anymore about the money, It was revenge. _'We've got to have rules and obey them. After all, we're not savages. We're English, and the English are best at everything.' _If only. If only. Though they'd done okay for a while, but slowly you could see them all breaking apart. Splitting at the seems, it sent a shiver down my spine, the day the gang split would be the worst day of my life. Thinking of the gang my eyes strayed to the grimy window and out to the stars, they were beautiful, thinking of the gang, my thoughts strayed to Johnny. Johnny my best friend, and for a moment I caught a flash of heat. My lips tingled as I remembered, in the vacant lot, Johnny's arms in my back pockets, Johnny, lips crashed against mine. Johnny, hands traveling under my-

"C'mere Pony! Watch Micky Mouse with me~" Two-Bit called from the lounge. Just as well, I scolded myself for letting things get out of control.

"Huh?" I looked up at hearing my name called, Two-Bit was on the floor with a beer to his left, watching Micky. Now, any old guy could get a kick out of that toon, but no one found it as funny as Keith Matthews.

"C'mon, stop reading, I'ma gunna get board if you sit up in there by yourself. Y'all need to come down here and kill your brain cells with tv, I might even let you sip my beer~" He chuckled, he had a real infectious chuckle, I shook my head. Good ol' Two-Bit. Standing up out of my seat I walked over and sat next to him on the rug. Leaning my back against the couch.

"Boy you look like you got a kissin' rash" Two-Bit laughed, poking my lip, I winced. It probably did, after all I'd been kissing, for the first time ever just a couple hours back now. Pulling my knees up against my chest I rested my arms across them.

"Well I dunno why that'd be" I shrugged cooly, I wasn't going to say anything to him about it. He was the very last person I should tell, to be honest. I'd tell Soda if anyone, Soda. I froze up, it would kill me to not tell Soda, I told him everything. Heck we shared a bed. There was nothing much I could keep as secrets went anyway, not from Soda. We knew how to keep quiet us greasers, thats not what I'm saying at all. I mean we don't keep a thing from each other, not a word.

This was going to be hard.


End file.
